Time to think

So I got this new job! Nothing TOO exciting. Today was my fourth day (but who's counting?). The first three days I did nothing but cut dots all day. Oh, maybe I should tell you where I work before I start telling you :) haha I work at Severtson Corp which is a theater screen making company. Cool huh? You know those big screens that are hanging up in the IMAX theaters? Ya... I make those :D But anyhow.... So the first three days (24 hours) I cut dots in half and today I got to work the machines... Which I am still debating which one I prefer to do. Well I have a great team that I work with. Shannen (the manager), Justine, Tialene, Grace and Kelcie. Now Kelcie and I got to talk for two and a half hours on my first day, so we learned a lot about each other. She is related to Andrew and Tim. I had a lot of fun talking with her.

Working and cutting dots all day long in a warehouse that doesn't have any music (except for today) it gives you a lot of time to think. Lately I have been thinking of the one and only Von.... Especially today. I miss him so much. I haven't heard from him in a few weeks either. I'm not sure if he got my last letter because I sent it to the mission home instead of him... Which I'm not sure if that would take longer... But I didn't think it would take this long. I check the mailbox everyday hoping to get a letter from him. You see we were best friends for a good three years before he left on his mission. Those were amazing three years. Some of my fondest memories are from those three years. I love him and I miss my best friend a lot.

The first day I thought a lot about the gospel and I don't know why but I was humming hymns to myself a lot. I think this job is going to be great as long as I keep this time of thinking in check. Only positive thoughts!! I can do this! I am SO excited for this job!! :D

Stop and think, you always don't have to be listening to music, or playing on the computer. Just stop and think and listen... My favorite time to think is under the stars.... but living in the city you can't really see them. But when I am under a blanket of stars (and one of wool) I love to just sit and ponder about life, about now, the future and lessons of the past. Let those you love know you love them before its too late. Actions speech louder than words!

Have a great night :)

Today

Today was mothers day. We made my mother breakfast. At church I gave a talk about my mother, I ended up crying while I was giving it... So did my mother and several others as I hear. Then we got home I told my family to come over to the house for a surprise party for my mom. That didn't work out so well. I wasn't really prepared and neither were my siblings. I should never plan parties EVER again!! I can only ever be in charge of invites, my wedding reception is NOT going to be fun hahahahaha. We'll just wait and see how that goes though. As Sister Clarkson was giving her talk about motherhood I just sat there and thought (like I always do, this can sometimes be a very dangerous thing). I can't and can wait to be a mother. I have mixed feelings... but whenever I think of my future children I can't help but think of what a friend said one day, and that is all I can think about. Today was a great day though. I am so thankful for my mother and all that she has taught me and all that I have learned through her example. It is great knowing that through her example I will be a great mom just like she is to me and my siblings. I am thankful that the Lord allowed me to come to this family, I wouldn't want to be a part of another family because I love this one too much.

ugh....

Alright, so I don't understand boys. This shouldn't come as a surprise to any of you girls :) haha. So since I was 16, 3 boys have told me that they love me. One I was interested in when he said that he did and the other told me after the time that I was interested in them had passed. The one and only boy that I had ever said that to never said it to me. He kind of just looked at me and the silent awkwardness grew stronger and stronger between us, so I no longer mentioned the subject to him again. Nor do I believe that he will. Then all the guys that are interested in me I'm not really interested in. But the one that I was interested in acted like he was interested in me as well in fact, we held hands, cuddled and got rather close to our first but alas, I did something and he no longer called upon me. Whatever.... Story of my life. So now that I am not sure what I want because my heart has been broken once again the boys keep coming and saying that they are interested and I have no idea what I feel.... Its NOT a great feeling let me tell you. I know what is like on the other side of rejection and it isn't the best. So here I am listening to sappy love songs, reading a romance novel and am about ready to start crying because all I can think about is what is wrong with me that I can't feel anything for the guys who are interested or say that they love me. Maybe I just need to complain and so this is me complaining... but i am tired of this. I look at all my friends who are in a relationship, engaged or married and they are so happy. I can't wait for marriage, no more of this hahaha, or so I hear. Maybe I should just take my own advice: before holding his hand and hanging out with him frequently, think about what you feel for him. That way when he says that he'd like to be your boyfriend you aren't completely caught off guard and you don't go through a lot of heartache. It's for the best. Just sit down and think. Turn off the music, turn off the tv, put down the book, turn the phone on silent, get down on your knees and pray.

Complaint

I am filing a complaint. I know that it isn't a good characteristic to complain but I think I am going to do it anyway. So, I don't understand. So I've heard there are a lot of guys "after" me. They would love to be my bf. Well the sad thing is, I am not interested in any of these great guys. Either they are ready for marriage, just not my type, or everything I have ever wanted but I am just not attracted to them in anyway! There is no chemistry. I can't like them no matter how hard I try. They all tease too much. I can handle teasing but after a while I get sick of it.
I feel like my heart can't feel anymore. That could explain why I have been feeling so empty lately. The last time I let my heart fall in love with someone they turned around and broke it. I hadn't felt that way in a long time. In a very long time in fact. I wanted him to be with me. I thought we would make a great couple, but he had other thoughts. He didn't want anything to do with me after the second date. Although he had already held my hand and got really close to kissing me, but apparently that meant nothing to him when it meant everything to me. Why do guys not understand the concept of girls? I have no idea what goes through a guys mind (probably just food or something) when girls are constantly thinking about things. Ugh. I'm just tired of being alone I guess. Everyone tells me that I could fix that because of the guys that I know. But I don't want to put them through the pain of dating me when I don't have feelings for them in that way. I couldn't allow myself to do that. I should stop now while I am ahead of myself and not drive all my readers away. Thank you for listening to my sob-story of what is going through my mind tonight.

Spring Break!!

So this is the most exciting Spring Break that I have ever had! It was SO much fun!! I am glad that I went. Well let me tell you what happened :)

Tuesday: We (Rex Sowards, Ted Sowards, Tim Schnepf and I) went and picked up Lauren Pew. That is when the trip started. Right there at her house!! We headed west on the 202. We arrived in Havasupi Lake. Where we saw the London Bridge and ate at In-N-Out. Then we headed for Las Vegas. We immediately went to the Casino and got tickets for the Lion King. It only was $26, student discount. Then right before the show we went and dropped our bags off at the hotel we were staying at. The Stratosphere, which was located on the other end of the strip from where the play was taking place. Once we got to the hotel room Lauren and I changed clothes while the boys did their hair :) hehe. Then we went and saw Lion King. It was AMAZING!! No joke! One of the best plays I have ever seen, one of the only ones that I have seen, but that is besides the point. Then we walked down the strip. We saw the M&M's store where there was 4 stories of M&M merchandice. It was crazy to see that many M&M things and that many colors of M&M's too. Then we went and watched the water works, then we went and walked around Paris. That was fun. Then we went back to our hotel rooms at about 2 in the morning. Where we saw someone in the casino as we were going to the elivator I was walking in front of everyone cuz my feet were about to fall off and there was this couple and the girl yells at him "Don't check her out!" and he says "I can't help it. She's hott!" I looked over to see who they were talking about and low-and-behold they both were looking at me. Once they walked away I began to laugh so hard! It put a little hop to my step when I walked to my room haha.

Wednesday: We woke up and went on the strip. We went everywhere. We went to Greece and then down to the Pirate ship. We didn't go to New York New York which I was kind of ok with. But it would have been fun to go. We want to the Hoover Dam where we told the funniest dam jokes that I have ever heard. And I used to live on a dam... so I have heard tons of dam jokes. Then after we had lunch we left for Cedar City Utah. On the way there we saw tons of Hay and had fun yelling "Hay" out the window. We stopped in St George to see the Temple. It was beautiful and we got there right as the sun was setting which made it so much better! Then we arrived at Tim's sisters house in Cedar City. It was really different being on daylight savings time. Lauren and I have a lot of inside jokes about this night.

Thursday: We woke up and all headed out about 10. We went to Zion National Park where we found snow! It was so beautiful up there. We had fun taking pictures and having a blast. Then we went to Sadona where we looked at shops and walked around for a little bit. Which was nice that we did that because my bum was asleep from staying in that little car for so long. Then we went and saw the Grand Canyon. I had never been to the South entrance I don't think. We got there right before the sunset and it was such a deep red. It was so pretty. It was also freezing cold!! We were going to camp there but then we realized that we might freeze during the night so we called Tim's dad who graciously got us hotel rooms in Flagstaff. So off we went to Flag. When we arrived we went to the hotel room and then to Walgreen's. We had so much fun that night. Then we went to bed.

Friday: We had breakfast at the hotel and then we were off. We went and saw the painted desert. It was so windy through there. There were no mountains they were all little hills. It was crazy. The wind had to be going at least 50 mph. Because when I leaned forward, and I mean far forward, I didn't fall over. There was a perfect ledge that made it look like you were standing at the top of Pride Rock. It was amazingly beautiful. We saw the Petrified Forest, that was pretty cool too. We took a picture by the sign of Root 66. Which I always have wanted to drive down. Then we went to Show low where we stayed at Jared's cabin/house. We had friends join us up there. Jared Neilson, Kristen Fitzugh and Brad Billings all came up there. We ate food, went star gazing and played games. It was a lot of fun.

Saturday: Today was the sad day that we headed home. We went the long way and looked at all the forest that we went through because we didn't get to see a lot since Wednesday, in fact that was the only day that we saw trees. But we had a lot of fun watching movies and driving home. We blared good music and we were safe everyday. We got home and we travel about 1,766 miles I think it was. I had a blast and made close friends on this trip!!

That was the best Spring Break that I had ever had. Now I wish that it wasn't over. hahaha I would have loved to have seen all of Las Vegas. That would have been so much fun.

BUTTERFLY

Beauty
Under-estimated
Talented
Tempted
Elegant
Radiant
Flawless
Light
Young

Every time a see the beautiful butterfly,
I think of my sister with a sparkle in my eye.
She had a great smile and a really big heart,
Unfortunately from this world, she had to part.
I have fond memories with her in my mind,
All I need to do is search and those memories find.
For I fear that she is slipping away and I cannot grasp,
The life that we shared together in the past.
But there is a wonderful thing put on the world now,
The knowledge that I can see her again some how.
I live the commandments of the one true God,
I have to be honest, loyal and not a fraud.
The gospel of Jesus Christ is the key,
To have a family for all time and eternity.
It's a comforting thought that I have this blessing,
To be with a family where no one is missing.

A lot can happen in a year

It's crazy to think that one year ago I was in high school. I was just finishing basketball and I was done with it!! YAY! One year ago I graduated from seminary AND high school. One year ago I had the best friend I could ask for. One year ago I had a great relationship with a wonderful guy. One year ago I wasn't confused. One year ago I was in shape and could run longer than 5 minutes. One year ago my nephew wasn't even one year old. One year ago I didn't have such great friends. One year ago I was still in Young Womens. One year ago I was looking into his eyes :) One year ago I wasn't afraid of him leaving. One year ago nothing was screwed up by me. One year ago....

Its crazy how things change in one year. How you can change in one year. I am not sure if I am nervous or excited for this next year to come and go. Excitement and fear both fill my emotional tanks. I don't want time to fly by too fast, but at the same time it would be nice if it could speed up just a little. ( For some odd reason I just thought of "When you find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible" I have no idea why I thought about that.... but I did).

One year ago I didn't have a blog :P

One year ago my sleeping habits were A LOT better than this!! Goodnight :D