ugh....

Alright, so I don't understand boys. This shouldn't come as a surprise to any of you girls :) haha. So since I was 16, 3 boys have told me that they love me. One I was interested in when he said that he did and the other told me after the time that I was interested in them had passed. The one and only boy that I had ever said that to never said it to me. He kind of just looked at me and the silent awkwardness grew stronger and stronger between us, so I no longer mentioned the subject to him again. Nor do I believe that he will. Then all the guys that are interested in me I'm not really interested in. But the one that I was interested in acted like he was interested in me as well in fact, we held hands, cuddled and got rather close to our first but alas, I did something and he no longer called upon me. Whatever.... Story of my life. So now that I am not sure what I want because my heart has been broken once again the boys keep coming and saying that they are interested and I have no idea what I feel.... Its NOT a great feeling let me tell you. I know what is like on the other side of rejection and it isn't the best. So here I am listening to sappy love songs, reading a romance novel and am about ready to start crying because all I can think about is what is wrong with me that I can't feel anything for the guys who are interested or say that they love me. Maybe I just need to complain and so this is me complaining... but i am tired of this. I look at all my friends who are in a relationship, engaged or married and they are so happy. I can't wait for marriage, no more of this hahaha, or so I hear. Maybe I should just take my own advice: before holding his hand and hanging out with him frequently, think about what you feel for him. That way when he says that he'd like to be your boyfriend you aren't completely caught off guard and you don't go through a lot of heartache. It's for the best. Just sit down and think. Turn off the music, turn off the tv, put down the book, turn the phone on silent, get down on your knees and pray.